That’s pretty much it i can’t wait for the f*cking snow to melt so I can start riding my bike again, I’ve gained more weight this winter than I’d care to admit. Not that it hasn’t been fun slipping into a Hitchcock-ian silhouette, but enough is enough, I almost want to start wearing a t-shirt in the shower.

Well the whole reason I thought to post today was because I saw the new OK GO video and it was pretty cool, so here ya go.

Later Kids.

Just trying to normally open a beer ended with broken glass, blood, and one less damn beer, life is unfair. I sent an email to SA about the whole ordeal it should be neat to see what happens with it.
And in other news I started taking drum lessons recently, partially to fill my schedule and partially to force my self to take music more seriously. For too long I’ve felt like a jack of all trades and a master of none so I decided that music was going to be one thing that I really focus on and devote myself to becoming better at. Not that I’ll be a master by any means but it sure would be nice to get good enough that I could play some gigs and maybe make some money on. We’ll see where that goes. More to follow.

Later Kids.
s.

Gizmodo always does the best liveblogs when Apple releases a new money maker, they always have excellent hi res-ish photos so that’s where i’ll be copying photos from. Just two minutes now till the whole think kicks off. Buckle up folks.

GO STEVE WHOOOOOO!

Here’s your current moble fun, soon to have a 5th

HAHAHAH I’m sure Apple paid the Wall Street Journal to say that.

TA-FREAKIN-DA here’s your fat iPhone! *and the crowd goes wild*

It’s officially called the iPad, it’s about as big as a legal pad, and will do everything your wildest imaginations can think up. It’ll even make you breakfast in bed.

Apparently EAsports has been in development for some games and they seem to be pretty good so if it’s not ready right away for some decent gaming in the near future it will be. I didn’t think any one was still playing Spore though so what are people gonna play?

Ohh……n/m

Wow even an eReader to make all those folks that bought a Nook or Kindle2 kick themselves  in the ass! (J if you haven’t gotten one yet maybe you should hold off.)

on to the specs:

1.5lbs

1/2″ thick

10 hour battery life

1 month standby battery life

9.7 inch full captive multi touch display (just like the iPhone)

1Ghz processor (apple A4)

16-64 Gb flash memory

Bluetooth and WiFi

And will run any of the apps that the iPhone will run either in a 1×1 pixel ratio or at a 2×1 to be full screen but low res.

Actual Cost: Starts at 499 with 16Gb and NO 3G which you’ll need if you don’t want it to run like complete shit. It’s the cheapest thing Apple has come out with aside from the iPod

So basically still under $1000 will get you as good as it’s gonna get, they start shipping the top end in 60 days.

Here’s the plan pricing for Wi-Fi and 3G.

So really it’s half of Verizon hotspot on the unlimited. WOW is Apple looking to come down on price and sacrifice all that snobbery they’ve spent so long developing?

So that’s it the iPad.

Later Kids.

MINNEAPOLIS—A study published Monday in The Journal Of Child Psychology And Psychiatry has concluded that an estimated 98 percent of children under the age of 10 are remorseless sociopaths with little regard for anything other than their own egocentric interests and pleasures.

Data shows that many seemingly innocent children—such as this one—are not to be trusted.

According to Dr. Leonard Mateo, a developmental psychologist at the University of Minnesota and lead author of the study, most adults are completely unaware that they could be living among callous monsters who would remorselessly exploit them to obtain something as insignificant as an ice cream cone or a new toy.

“The most disturbing facet of this ubiquitous childhood disorder is an utter lack of empathy,” Mateo said. “These people—if you can even call them that—deliberately violate every social norm without ever pausing to consider how their selfish behavior might affect others. It’s as if they have no concept of anyone but themselves.”

“The depths of depravity that these tiny psychopaths are capable of reaching are really quite chilling,” Mateo added.

According to the Hare Psychopathy Checklist, a clinical diagnostic tool, sociopaths often display superficial charm, pathological lying, manipulative behaviors, and a grandiose sense of self-importance. After observing 700 children engaged in everyday activities, Mateo and his colleagues found that 684 exhibited these behaviors at a severe or profound level.

The children studied also displayed many secondary hallmarks of antisocial personality disorder, most notably poor impulse control, an inability to plan ahead, and a proclivity for violence—often in the form of extended tantrums—when their needs were not immediately met.

“Children will use any tool at their disposal to secure gratification,” Mateo said. “And as soon as the desire is fulfilled, be it some material want or simply an insatiable and narcissistic desire for validation, they quickly become bored and lose interest in their victims, all the while thinking only of satisfying whatever their next hedonistic craving might be.”

Mateo added that even when subjects were directly confronted with the consequences of their inexplicable behavior, they had little or no capacity for expressing guilt, other than insincere utterances of “sorry” that were usually coerced.

Because children are so skilled at mimicking normal human emotions and will say anything without consideration for accuracy or truth, Mateo said that people often don’t realize that they’ve been exploited until it is too late. Though he maintained that anyone can fall victim to a child’s egocentric behavior, Mateo warned that grandmothers were especially susceptible to the self- serving machinations of tiny little sociopaths.

Despite the overwhelming evidence presented in the study, its findings have been met with heavy criticism from people who associate with children on a regular basis.

Batavia, NY resident and 38-year-old mother Mary Corcoran echoed the sentiments of many other adults who refuse to believe they are sharing their homes with merciless predators.

“Not my Jimmy. Just this morning, he told me I was the best mommy in the whole world,” Corcoran said of her son, 5. “In fact, he’s been such a sweet little boy this month that Santa just may bring him everything he asks for.”

According to renowned child psychologist Dr. Pritha Singh, author of Born Without Souls, diagnosing preadolecents as sociopaths is primarily a theoretical interest, as the disorder is considered untreatable.

“We’ve tried behavior modification therapies, but children actually learn from our techniques and become even more adept at manipulating others while concealing their shameless misanthropy,” Singh said. “Sadly, experience has taught us there is little hope for rehabilitation.”

“Just look at the way most adults act,” Singh added.

Thanks to the onion I can live to procrastinate kids another day. Yaaaay

Later Kids.

IT’S DECORATIVE
GOURD SEASON, MOTHERFUCKERS.

BY COLIN NISSAN

- – - -

I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get my hands on some fucking gourds and arrange them in a horn-shaped basket on my dining room table. That shit is going to look so seasonal. I’m about to head up to the attic right now to find that wicker fucker, dust it off, and jam it with an insanely ornate assortment of shellacked vegetables. When my guests come over it’s gonna be like, BLAMMO! Check out my shellacked decorative vegetables, assholes. Guess what season it is—fucking fall. There’s a nip in the air and my house is full of mutant fucking squash.

I may even throw some multi-colored leaves into the mix, all haphazard like a crisp October breeze just blew through and fucked that shit up. Then I’m going to get to work on making a beautiful fucking gourd necklace for myself. People are going to be like, “Aren’t those gourds straining your neck?” And I’m just going to thread another gourd onto my necklace without breaking their gaze and quietly reply, “It’s fall, fuckfaces. You’re either ready to reap this freaky-assed harvest or you’re not.”

Carving orange pumpkins sounds like a pretty fitting way to ring in the season. You know what else does? Performing an all-gourd reenactment of an episode of Diff’rent Strokes—specifically the one when Arnold and Dudley experience a disturbing brush with sexual molestation. Well, this shit just got real, didn’t it? Felonies and gourds have one very important commonality: they’re both extremely fucking real. Sorry if that’s upsetting, but I’m not doing you any favors by shielding you from this anymore.

The next thing I’m going to do is carve one of the longer gourds into a perfect replica of the Mayflower as a shout-out to our Pilgrim forefathers. Then I’m going to do lines of blow off its hull with a hooker. Why? Because it’s not summer, it’s not winter, and it’s not spring. Grab a calendar and pull your fucking heads out of your asses; it’s fall, fuckers.

Have you ever been in an Italian deli with salamis hanging from their ceiling? Well then you’re going to fucking love my house. Just look where you’re walking or you’ll get KO’d by the gauntlet of misshapen, zucchini-descendant bastards swinging from above. And when you do, you’re going to hear a very loud, very stereotypical Italian laugh coming from me. Consider yourself warned.

For now, all I plan to do is to throw on a flannel shirt, some tattered overalls, and a floppy fucking hat and stand in the middle of a cornfield for a few days. The first crow that tries to land on me is going to get his avian ass bitch-slapped all the way back to summer.

Welcome to autumn, fuckheads!

Later Kids.